Sunday, June 21, 2009

Tripping with Hemorrhoids at 30,000 '

What karmic punishment is this? I have to fly from Los Angeles to Riyadh Saudi Arabia via Hong Kong on April 16, 2009. And I have to get to LAX from Palm Springs prior to that. And two days before that, probably due to my trip to Mexico and lots of spicy foods while there and driving for hundreds of miles, I develop an enormous hemorrhoid the size of a giant cherry (and probably the same color as it). The thing is hurting me no end, there is temperature and terrible pain when I go to the bathroom. So, I go see a doctor and he prescribes me a host of suppositories, cream and a powerful painkiller with some kind of narcotic substance in it. $138 later and a $250 taxi ride to LAX- I spent most of my time lying down on the back seat- I walk with straddled legs across the building and board a plane bound for Hong Kong. It is full and they give me a seat with my back to the wall and people on both sides. I cannot recline the seat and I have 16 hours ahead of me. When they serve food, it is very hard for me to leave the seat if I want to.

Anyway, I have been applying the cream and sticking the suppositories in there and then, there was this goo coming out of me and dirtying my briefs and pants. Scary stuff! And the pain is absolutely unbearable. I cannot even recline my seat as it is in the very back row. Talking about torture! 16 hours are ahead of me. So, what do I do? I take painkillers. Like lots of them! The pain goes away and along with it, my consciousness. I drift into a drug-induced semi sleep. Everything around me floats. I discover that I have in my head. All the songs that I had listened to are stored in my brain. I can retrieve them and play them with voice and accompaniment. I can go back and do the fast forward with them. Amazing! I start listening to one song after another. My brain has stored every song like a giant biological MP3 machine. Very instrument plays. All I have to do is think about it. Time disappears. I drift off into another, deeper sleep. Or is it a trip? I see another world - lakes, forests, lots of greenery around. I wake up in Hong Kong a year later, so it seems. Please do not let this fantasy end.

At the HK airport I rent a short time hotel, my eyes are all bloodied and I look like a junkie. I admit that I enjoyed the experience., though and am looking forward to some more subscription drug tripping. The drug is beginning to wear off. The pain is coming back. I go to the bathroom several times to apply more suppositories and cream. Nasty stuff! Then, I pop a few more pills, and the pain slowly goes away. I again drift away into uneasy sleep. They wake me up. I walk to the Riyadh- bound plane. Sit down and pop a few more pills. Another trip begins. I start my playing again. Man, those songs sound good. I can hear every note. I can tune the voices to fit my pleasure, adjust the volume to enormous strengths. It is deafening now. I can play back and fast forward again. I listen to every possible song and program/documentary I had heard before. Amazing! My brain has stored all of them and can retrieve them at will any time I want. Then, I feel that something has happened and there is no longer any pressure in my rectal area. The hemorrhoid has popped! I get up and see a red stain on the seat. I began to bleed when I was asleep and I am still bleeding.

We have a stopover in Bahrain and I walk off the plain like a menstruating woman with an enormous dark stain in between my legs and buttocks. Totally disgusting. I arrive in Riyadh well rested and ride a taxi to my compound. The seat becomes stained with my blood. The taxi driver is sympathetic. He, having experienced hemorrhoids because of his sedentary lifestyle knows what I am going through.

It took another two weeks for the inflammation to subside and for the thingie to disappear completely. The whole thing was totally unneeded and uncalled for.
What did I learn from this experience? I guess not to eat spicy foods before going on trips and not to drive for miles and miles before you need to fly. Walk a lot. Avoid stress. Anyway, avoid hemorrhoids at all costs especially when you need to fly half way around

1 comment:

midknight said...

I totally sympathize. I came down with some kind of bacterial infection and have been on antibiotics for the last 8 days, not to mention having suffered through the worst flu of my life.

Parties, women, and boozing it up is fun, but one realizes that health and clean living becomes more and more important as you progress in age and start to feel the frailties of life.