What karmic punishment is this? I have to fly from Los Angeles to Riyadh Saudi Arabia via Hong Kong on April 16, 2009. And I have to get to LAX from Palm Springs prior to that. And two days before that, probably due to my trip to Mexico and lots of spicy foods while there and driving for hundreds of miles, I develop an enormous hemorrhoid the size of a giant cherry (and probably the same color as it). The thing is hurting me no end, there is temperature and terrible pain when I go to the bathroom. So, I go see a doctor and he prescribes me a host of suppositories, cream and a powerful painkiller with some kind of narcotic substance in it. $138 later and a $250 taxi ride to LAX- I spent most of my time lying down on the back seat- I walk with straddled legs across the building and board a plane bound for Hong Kong. It is full and they give me a seat with my back to the wall and people on both sides. I cannot recline the seat and I have 16 hours ahead of me. When they serve food, it is very hard for me to leave the seat if I want to.
Anyway, I have been applying the cream and sticking the suppositories in there and then, there was this goo coming out of me and dirtying my briefs and pants. Scary stuff! And the pain is absolutely unbearable. I cannot even recline my seat as it is in the very back row. Talking about torture! 16 hours are ahead of me. So, what do I do? I take painkillers. Like lots of them! The pain goes away and along with it, my consciousness. I drift into a drug-induced semi sleep. Everything around me floats. I discover that I have www.youtube.com in my head. All the songs that I had listened to are stored in my brain. I can retrieve them and play them with voice and accompaniment. I can go back and do the fast forward with them. Amazing! I start listening to one song after another. My brain has stored every song like a giant biological MP3 machine. Very instrument plays. All I have to do is think about it. Time disappears. I drift off into another, deeper sleep. Or is it a trip? I see another world - lakes, forests, lots of greenery around. I wake up in Hong Kong a year later, so it seems. Please do not let this fantasy end.
At the HK airport I rent a short time hotel, my eyes are all bloodied and I look like a junkie. I admit that I enjoyed the experience., though and am looking forward to some more subscription drug tripping. The drug is beginning to wear off. The pain is coming back. I go to the bathroom several times to apply more suppositories and cream. Nasty stuff! Then, I pop a few more pills, and the pain slowly goes away. I again drift away into uneasy sleep. They wake me up. I walk to the Riyadh- bound plane. Sit down and pop a few more pills. Another trip begins. I start my youtube.com playing again. Man, those songs sound good. I can hear every note. I can tune the voices to fit my pleasure, adjust the volume to enormous strengths. It is deafening now. I can play back and fast forward again. I listen to every possible song and program/documentary I had heard before. Amazing! My brain has stored all of them and can retrieve them at will any time I want. Then, I feel that something has happened and there is no longer any pressure in my rectal area. The hemorrhoid has popped! I get up and see a red stain on the seat. I began to bleed when I was asleep and I am still bleeding.
We have a stopover in Bahrain and I walk off the plain like a menstruating woman with an enormous dark stain in between my legs and buttocks. Totally disgusting. I arrive in Riyadh well rested and ride a taxi to my compound. The seat becomes stained with my blood. The taxi driver is sympathetic. He, having experienced hemorrhoids because of his sedentary lifestyle knows what I am going through.
It took another two weeks for the inflammation to subside and for the thingie to disappear completely. The whole thing was totally unneeded and uncalled for.
What did I learn from this experience? I guess not to eat spicy foods before going on trips and not to drive for miles and miles before you need to fly. Walk a lot. Avoid stress. Anyway, avoid hemorrhoids at all costs especially when you need to fly half way around
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Russian Entertainers and Hookers in South East Asia.
Russian Erotic Entertainers in Asia- Coals to New Castle? I don’t think so.
Fulfilling Asian Men’s ” American” fetish.
In Bangkok, Manila and other Asian cities one can see Russian girls working in nightclubs as entertainers and pole dancers. Escort companies there also routinely feature Russian girls as call girls. Why, would you ask , people would pay some $12- 20 per lady’s drink for the privilege to sit in a bar next to a girl when here are so many local girls around? Why would local men dish out two months' salary for one session with a Russian hooker when they are drowning in the sea of the most beautiful hookers around, coming from their own countries. Not all Russian girls are young and beautiful, many are 30+ and matronly looking, some are stocky and resemble locomotive drivers. So, what is the attraction?
I have my own theory and that is- they are there to fulfill the Asian men’s “American” dream. Their Hollywood dream. Their unreachable, unattainable yearning to have an American woman, one of those they have been watching on TV since their childhood. Brook Shields. Raquel Welch. Britney Spears. The Baywatch girls. The girls in American soap operas that they have been drooling over.
In Most of SE Asia and even East Asia, the words “white”, “American” and “foreigner “are synonymous. A white person is always from America and an American is always white.
“Foreigner” is usually an American and an American is always a foreigner. While white men have been known to go to South East Asia to get local women, few SE Asian men have been known to date/ have sex with/marry white American women. Brook Shields will not come to Manila to get a boyfriend. Britney Spears is not visiting Bangkok in search of her Prince Charming. SE Asian men who did go to the USA to study almost never were able to score with tall, aggressive and masculine American women. It is just such a mismatch! So, the yearnings of a 5’5” , even a successful Thai( or other SE Asian) man to meet and have sex with a white American woman is usually an unattainable and infulfillable fantasy.
That it was, until the fall of the USSR.
Enter Natashas from the Russian Far East. The Vladivostok area. The “California” of Russia. These, mostly blond girls, have discovered that they enjoy Goddess-like popularity when they come to Bangkok or Manila or other such SE Asian capitals. Local men shake when they touch them. They cover their hands in kisses their whole bodies trembling with excitement. They can’t believe their luck. The Brady Bunch girl has come down from the TV screen and they are now looking at her and she is standing in front of them. The unreachable star, the American woman, Britney Spears, Bo Derek, a Playboy centerfold. And yes, if the money is right, you can sleep with her. Will you pay $200 an hour? Hell, yes! Even my life’s savings, just to have the old longing fulfilled!
Paunchy, 5’4”, 55 year old Thai generals who have accumulated fortunes through corruption and bribery are having their dreams fulfilled- they are slobbering over the bodies of these white demi-godesses, these “ Americans’. Heck, an American, a Russian, a Brit, all honkeys look the same. They don’t know the difference. So, they pay and pay and pay!
As a result, you have Russian girls who after a year, leave sin cities of the Orient with thick wads of dollars, enough to retire on in their small Siberian village. All because of the sexy presentation of white women by Hollywood and because to an average SE Asian man, these are “Americans”. Lol. Ignorance is bliss. To these girls’ that is.
So, unknowingly, sexy American movies beamed into SE Asian homes have helped hundreds, no, thousands of Russian girls accumulate small fortunes by filling the white fetishist sexual needs of SE Asian men.
Brilliant!
Fulfilling Asian Men’s ” American” fetish.
In Bangkok, Manila and other Asian cities one can see Russian girls working in nightclubs as entertainers and pole dancers. Escort companies there also routinely feature Russian girls as call girls. Why, would you ask , people would pay some $12- 20 per lady’s drink for the privilege to sit in a bar next to a girl when here are so many local girls around? Why would local men dish out two months' salary for one session with a Russian hooker when they are drowning in the sea of the most beautiful hookers around, coming from their own countries. Not all Russian girls are young and beautiful, many are 30+ and matronly looking, some are stocky and resemble locomotive drivers. So, what is the attraction?
I have my own theory and that is- they are there to fulfill the Asian men’s “American” dream. Their Hollywood dream. Their unreachable, unattainable yearning to have an American woman, one of those they have been watching on TV since their childhood. Brook Shields. Raquel Welch. Britney Spears. The Baywatch girls. The girls in American soap operas that they have been drooling over.
In Most of SE Asia and even East Asia, the words “white”, “American” and “foreigner “are synonymous. A white person is always from America and an American is always white.
“Foreigner” is usually an American and an American is always a foreigner. While white men have been known to go to South East Asia to get local women, few SE Asian men have been known to date/ have sex with/marry white American women. Brook Shields will not come to Manila to get a boyfriend. Britney Spears is not visiting Bangkok in search of her Prince Charming. SE Asian men who did go to the USA to study almost never were able to score with tall, aggressive and masculine American women. It is just such a mismatch! So, the yearnings of a 5’5” , even a successful Thai( or other SE Asian) man to meet and have sex with a white American woman is usually an unattainable and infulfillable fantasy.
That it was, until the fall of the USSR.
Enter Natashas from the Russian Far East. The Vladivostok area. The “California” of Russia. These, mostly blond girls, have discovered that they enjoy Goddess-like popularity when they come to Bangkok or Manila or other such SE Asian capitals. Local men shake when they touch them. They cover their hands in kisses their whole bodies trembling with excitement. They can’t believe their luck. The Brady Bunch girl has come down from the TV screen and they are now looking at her and she is standing in front of them. The unreachable star, the American woman, Britney Spears, Bo Derek, a Playboy centerfold. And yes, if the money is right, you can sleep with her. Will you pay $200 an hour? Hell, yes! Even my life’s savings, just to have the old longing fulfilled!
Paunchy, 5’4”, 55 year old Thai generals who have accumulated fortunes through corruption and bribery are having their dreams fulfilled- they are slobbering over the bodies of these white demi-godesses, these “ Americans’. Heck, an American, a Russian, a Brit, all honkeys look the same. They don’t know the difference. So, they pay and pay and pay!
As a result, you have Russian girls who after a year, leave sin cities of the Orient with thick wads of dollars, enough to retire on in their small Siberian village. All because of the sexy presentation of white women by Hollywood and because to an average SE Asian man, these are “Americans”. Lol. Ignorance is bliss. To these girls’ that is.
So, unknowingly, sexy American movies beamed into SE Asian homes have helped hundreds, no, thousands of Russian girls accumulate small fortunes by filling the white fetishist sexual needs of SE Asian men.
Brilliant!
Sunday, March 22, 2009
The Bourgeois (you) vs. the Peasants (your wife and her family).
Many first-worlders, upon migrating to the Third World and getting a local girlfriend or wife, often discover that she does not know how to budget money, goes through the husbands/boyfriends’ allowance like it was water , and her family also keep asking the husband for money and other types of financial help. When the help is given, the money is promptly spent on seemingly nonsense things, and more requests for help start coming. “The people just do not seem to have basic financial literacy”, the first-worlder realizes. Then he starts talking about “cultural differences” and the “culture” shock.
The shock is really not about “culture”, but social class. It is all about the long standing “peasant versus the bourgeois” conflict, as the two classes have been clashing since cities had been established way back when. A city dweller did not have land, had to pay rent or city taxes; had to budget and value money as a precious resource. He had nothing else, really, unless he was a landlord, but even then, money had to be budgeted because of all kinds of expenses. A peasant, on the other hand, often could live off the fat of the land while money was secondary because it would always be there sooner or later as the result of the land giving him its wealth. The two classes could never relate to each other- the peasant would have many children who would then help in his agricultural activities, the city dweller could only afford a few, the peasant was generous with money and shared it among the members of his family and expected the new members of the family (new husbands and wives) to pool money together for the common good. The peasant would ask the bourgeois for money, but often could not pay it back because he had never learned how to manage finances the way city folks do.
The peasant thus perennially accuses the bourgeois of being stingy and greedy, of being selfish and cold-hearted, while the bourgeois keeps accusing the peasant of being a profligate and a bumbling provincial fool.
In the 1st world, peasants have long since become “farmers”, and, slowly, adopted the city ways of budgeting, had smaller families, and, pretty much, became “rural bourgeois” with now, very few differences in mentality between them and their urban counterparts. However, in the so called ‘developing’ countries, the peasant mindset is still very strong even though many former peasants now live in the cities: they have large families, they do not have money saved up, they do not know how to budget and often appear to behave in impractical, provincial ways. If the country is tropical, and harvest can be gathered all year around, the peasant classes appear even more indifferent to money, more relaxed and care-free, and less respectful of the Western bourgeois ways of doing things. Upon marrying a beautiful (peasant) girl, the American or other Western husband soon discovers just how irresponsible she can behave with his money and how disrespectful the whole family is of what he has- they expect him to buy them things- buy food, buy houses and buffaloes, and also help with medical bills. Haven’t they heard of medical insurance? They have not, apparently. What did the father think when he was making a family of twelve which he now cannot feed? He thought nothing. He just obeyed his “thirst”.
They are peasants, man. They hoped that land would take care of them. As it had for millennia.
So, a Western man runs into all kinds of confrontations, gets called a “cheap Charlie”
and gets accused of having no pity when he refuses to share his hard earned money with an enormous extended household. Then, he starts complaining about “cultural incompatibilities “between Americans and Thais or Canadians and Filipinos or even Japanese and Indonesians. But this is not about culture, man, it is about ‘class’. Unwittingly now, you are participating in class misunderstandings and class struggle but on a very miniature scale. Karl Marx revisited.
Had you chosen a real city girl, whose family has lived in the city for generation, and who knows the city ways of doing things, you would rarely have such problems, but city girls are often stuck up, unfriendly, and do not have the “warm heart” of the peasant. So, a man is stuck in a dilemma that is hard to solve. Some simply prefer not to marry into any family although some do get lucky and end up with a good urban wife. Good for them! Some succeed at training the rurally-minded girl in the intricacies of budgeting and manage to keep the money hungry other members of her clan away, or negotiate for smaller allowances. Different people deal with it differently. Some just can’t hack it, and end up leaving the country complaining about not being able to adapt to local “culture”. But few ever realize that what they come up against has nothing to do with culture, but is, basically, the thousand year old conflict between the rustic hicks and the city slickers which has been very much alive and well in the developing countries up till now, which has not yet gone away and which will, probably, still not go away for a long, long time.
The shock is really not about “culture”, but social class. It is all about the long standing “peasant versus the bourgeois” conflict, as the two classes have been clashing since cities had been established way back when. A city dweller did not have land, had to pay rent or city taxes; had to budget and value money as a precious resource. He had nothing else, really, unless he was a landlord, but even then, money had to be budgeted because of all kinds of expenses. A peasant, on the other hand, often could live off the fat of the land while money was secondary because it would always be there sooner or later as the result of the land giving him its wealth. The two classes could never relate to each other- the peasant would have many children who would then help in his agricultural activities, the city dweller could only afford a few, the peasant was generous with money and shared it among the members of his family and expected the new members of the family (new husbands and wives) to pool money together for the common good. The peasant would ask the bourgeois for money, but often could not pay it back because he had never learned how to manage finances the way city folks do.
The peasant thus perennially accuses the bourgeois of being stingy and greedy, of being selfish and cold-hearted, while the bourgeois keeps accusing the peasant of being a profligate and a bumbling provincial fool.
In the 1st world, peasants have long since become “farmers”, and, slowly, adopted the city ways of budgeting, had smaller families, and, pretty much, became “rural bourgeois” with now, very few differences in mentality between them and their urban counterparts. However, in the so called ‘developing’ countries, the peasant mindset is still very strong even though many former peasants now live in the cities: they have large families, they do not have money saved up, they do not know how to budget and often appear to behave in impractical, provincial ways. If the country is tropical, and harvest can be gathered all year around, the peasant classes appear even more indifferent to money, more relaxed and care-free, and less respectful of the Western bourgeois ways of doing things. Upon marrying a beautiful (peasant) girl, the American or other Western husband soon discovers just how irresponsible she can behave with his money and how disrespectful the whole family is of what he has- they expect him to buy them things- buy food, buy houses and buffaloes, and also help with medical bills. Haven’t they heard of medical insurance? They have not, apparently. What did the father think when he was making a family of twelve which he now cannot feed? He thought nothing. He just obeyed his “thirst”.
They are peasants, man. They hoped that land would take care of them. As it had for millennia.
So, a Western man runs into all kinds of confrontations, gets called a “cheap Charlie”
and gets accused of having no pity when he refuses to share his hard earned money with an enormous extended household. Then, he starts complaining about “cultural incompatibilities “between Americans and Thais or Canadians and Filipinos or even Japanese and Indonesians. But this is not about culture, man, it is about ‘class’. Unwittingly now, you are participating in class misunderstandings and class struggle but on a very miniature scale. Karl Marx revisited.
Had you chosen a real city girl, whose family has lived in the city for generation, and who knows the city ways of doing things, you would rarely have such problems, but city girls are often stuck up, unfriendly, and do not have the “warm heart” of the peasant. So, a man is stuck in a dilemma that is hard to solve. Some simply prefer not to marry into any family although some do get lucky and end up with a good urban wife. Good for them! Some succeed at training the rurally-minded girl in the intricacies of budgeting and manage to keep the money hungry other members of her clan away, or negotiate for smaller allowances. Different people deal with it differently. Some just can’t hack it, and end up leaving the country complaining about not being able to adapt to local “culture”. But few ever realize that what they come up against has nothing to do with culture, but is, basically, the thousand year old conflict between the rustic hicks and the city slickers which has been very much alive and well in the developing countries up till now, which has not yet gone away and which will, probably, still not go away for a long, long time.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Never Happened to Me, and, If it Happened to You, It is Because You Are an A**hole!
Never Happened to Me, and, If it Happened to You, It is because you are an A**hole!
This is probably a most boring topic to discuss, and I kept postponing talking about it, but I will still publish it, albeit very briefly. When different expats talk about the countries they live in , some begin to relate the tales of some kind of abuse at the hands of the locals, while others arrogantly exclaim-“ it never happened to me”, or, “I never had any problems”. “Those things happened to you because you were an a**hole”. “The people there are great, the country is great”. “I love it, never any kind of problem”.
I for one, find Japan to be a very difficult place to live because of extreme xenophobia and the fact that most landlords will not allow foreigners to settle there. I myself tried to look or an apartment there, and it was like looking for an apartment in a white area of Alabama with you being a black man looking. It was a very traumatic experience for me, actually, one of the most traumatic ones in my life.
However, I met other guys who had lived in Japan all their lives and they grin from ear to ear and state with smiling confidence- “Never had any problems! My landlady was great! I have thousands of friends there. The people are super nice. I am married to a Japanese. The girls there love foreigners, the people are super hospitable! If those things happened to you, it is because the problem is YOU. YOU are the A**HOLE!” Our conversation is thus finished.
The same goes for crime and things of that nature. I have been to certain countries where I was robbed, beaten, and the same happened to other people that I know. Some guys I knew got rolled over, cheated by business partners and had to leave by doing an instant flight in the night-and I did, too after a company did not pay me my salary and could not get me a visa. Again, when I post that on the internet on some bulletin board, I get attacked- “You racist! That never, ever happened to me! I have been here for 20 years and never had any problems. The problem is YOU! You are the stupid a**hole that is why people treat you bad like this!”
Even if I bring out the topic of different parts of the US and how I do not like living there, again I have people attack me. I find New England to be extremely boring, for one. I never had any friends there, and I understand it takes a long time to make them, in some places, over a decade. I have lived there, I know. But, again, the “you are the a**hole, that is why you can’t get along with people there” argument comes up when I start talking to various individuals about it.
The reverse is also true. I had a friend, a French guy who went to live in a tropical paradise of a country. He always complained on me that he could not get a date. I, on the other hand was tripping over dates and had no problem whatsoever. He was rich and good looking, and he cold not understand why he was having such a hard time there.
The “ it never happened to me; therefore, it is not true and if it does happen at all or, if it does, it is the victim’s fault” is a sophistic, fallacious and stupid way to prove a point. Can you imagine coming back from Iraq and attending a funeral of a soldier who had fallen in battle there and smugly saying to the widow of the warrior- “Oh, I was in Iraq, too, and it never happened to me. He must have just been an a**hole, that is why he got shot”.
There is however, a combination of factors that decide what destiny will befall the expat in a certain place. These factors are as follows:
1) the general attitude of the locals towards his/her kind people, meaning nationality/race or what you are perceived to be. One would not want to be an American expat in an Al Qaeda –controlled area of Iraq, for one. Yeah, ‘it never happened to you’ but you are gonna get your ass killed pretty soon if you don’t get the hell out of that place like right now, and yes, you are the stupid idiot to be there, although the Al Qaeda people are not exactly angels, either. And yes, trying to get a date there is not desirable. You will get shot, for sure. On the other hand of you are in a safe place as Japan, are of handsome appearance with a good job and proper introductions into the right circles, with the company paving the way for your future life there, you should be OK. If where you and what you are lies somewhere in between, the results would be mixed and varied.
2) Your other physical appearance is another factor. A very big one. Your neatness or the way you dress and move is another one. A nervous person who is in a hurry and has no time is normal in the UK, but is seen as a nuisance in warmer, more relaxed and tropical areas. An intellectual person is well received in South America but is seen as an irritation in Thailand. Some cultures like well-dressed people, some like those who are casual, some appreciate that you speak the language, and some see it as an affront to their culture. Some like talkative people and some, discreet and silent ones. All of those factors decide how you will be perceived. And, of course, in every country, they do not like poor people but like people with money.
3) Your own positive/negative attitude and your perception of things. How good are you at taking and dealing with bullsh*t? How patient are you? A positive attitude will not save you from Al Qaeda’s RPGs, though, I can guarantee you that. It will also not save you from getting your ass kidnapped or being sentenced to death if you, say, try and teach a wrong religion in a wrong area. However, if you are a naïve person ( yes, it can be a plus) who does not have to depend on anyone financially, who does not learn the language, you may have a pretty good time because you will not understand what the people are saying, and will only hear English spoken to you, and usually the locals will not be able to curse you out in English.
If you are not a person who is well aware of his environment, you may mistake scornful smiles for hospitality, and, if you like to minimize your contact with the locals to only a few people you know, then it is also a plus. Usually, those who keep to themselves and limit their activities in society o buying things and services seem to be the happiest anywhere. Ignorance is bliss.
Negative people, who like to see bad things around them and, subconsciously, even look for them, will find other things to complain about when they are abroad. However, one should not blame all bad things that can happen to them on their negative attitudes. The people outside are also a variable in the equation.
4) How well can you “feel” the local ways of doing things, the language, know of dangers and benefits, how well do you understand the reality there, and how basically street smart are you?. That is a very, very important factor. How prepared are you to react to different things happening here? How mature? How wise are you in dealing with their ways and in surviving in that environment?
5) The amount of time you have been there. Yeah, if you are in a place for two weeks and you have money, you will probably think it is the best thing since sliced bread. But if you start doing business there and working or staying there longer and dealing with the local bureaucracy, corruption and your skin is not thick enough, you may not like it anymore. I have been to many places on vacation, but once I tried actually living there I understood why so many locals like to emigrate from the country.
5) The overall most important factor of all is luck, luck, luck. Its presence or lack of it will be the decisive factor in how things will turn out for you. In fact, I think 60% of all your experiences there, and how things will work for you in your new place depend on your supply of luck. Without luck, even if you are positive, things can go bad, you can run into some very bad elements, and suffer injury, being swindled, meet with deceit and even your premature death without doing anything particularly unusual. Are you in the country at the right time? Are you in the right place at the right time there? Luck is a crucial thing. How do you get luck? Well, we all have our ways. Some people get it through meditation, some through religion, whatever. Get some luck!
Depending on the combination of the above things, your experience in any place will be either mostly positive, or, mostly negative. What can I advise? I don’t really know. It depends. Do not always complain without doing something or asking someone for advice, learn to deal with things, or, if the negative outweighs the positive, leave for a while and come back with a fresh new attitude, and more money , skills, etc. Also, try not to be smug if you have been having a good time, but other people have run into hard times. Be supportive, do not declare them to be a**holes. Otherwise, what has not yet happened to you, may just happen if you keep bragging about what a big, lucky shot you are.
This is probably a most boring topic to discuss, and I kept postponing talking about it, but I will still publish it, albeit very briefly. When different expats talk about the countries they live in , some begin to relate the tales of some kind of abuse at the hands of the locals, while others arrogantly exclaim-“ it never happened to me”, or, “I never had any problems”. “Those things happened to you because you were an a**hole”. “The people there are great, the country is great”. “I love it, never any kind of problem”.
I for one, find Japan to be a very difficult place to live because of extreme xenophobia and the fact that most landlords will not allow foreigners to settle there. I myself tried to look or an apartment there, and it was like looking for an apartment in a white area of Alabama with you being a black man looking. It was a very traumatic experience for me, actually, one of the most traumatic ones in my life.
However, I met other guys who had lived in Japan all their lives and they grin from ear to ear and state with smiling confidence- “Never had any problems! My landlady was great! I have thousands of friends there. The people are super nice. I am married to a Japanese. The girls there love foreigners, the people are super hospitable! If those things happened to you, it is because the problem is YOU. YOU are the A**HOLE!” Our conversation is thus finished.
The same goes for crime and things of that nature. I have been to certain countries where I was robbed, beaten, and the same happened to other people that I know. Some guys I knew got rolled over, cheated by business partners and had to leave by doing an instant flight in the night-and I did, too after a company did not pay me my salary and could not get me a visa. Again, when I post that on the internet on some bulletin board, I get attacked- “You racist! That never, ever happened to me! I have been here for 20 years and never had any problems. The problem is YOU! You are the stupid a**hole that is why people treat you bad like this!”
Even if I bring out the topic of different parts of the US and how I do not like living there, again I have people attack me. I find New England to be extremely boring, for one. I never had any friends there, and I understand it takes a long time to make them, in some places, over a decade. I have lived there, I know. But, again, the “you are the a**hole, that is why you can’t get along with people there” argument comes up when I start talking to various individuals about it.
The reverse is also true. I had a friend, a French guy who went to live in a tropical paradise of a country. He always complained on me that he could not get a date. I, on the other hand was tripping over dates and had no problem whatsoever. He was rich and good looking, and he cold not understand why he was having such a hard time there.
The “ it never happened to me; therefore, it is not true and if it does happen at all or, if it does, it is the victim’s fault” is a sophistic, fallacious and stupid way to prove a point. Can you imagine coming back from Iraq and attending a funeral of a soldier who had fallen in battle there and smugly saying to the widow of the warrior- “Oh, I was in Iraq, too, and it never happened to me. He must have just been an a**hole, that is why he got shot”.
There is however, a combination of factors that decide what destiny will befall the expat in a certain place. These factors are as follows:
1) the general attitude of the locals towards his/her kind people, meaning nationality/race or what you are perceived to be. One would not want to be an American expat in an Al Qaeda –controlled area of Iraq, for one. Yeah, ‘it never happened to you’ but you are gonna get your ass killed pretty soon if you don’t get the hell out of that place like right now, and yes, you are the stupid idiot to be there, although the Al Qaeda people are not exactly angels, either. And yes, trying to get a date there is not desirable. You will get shot, for sure. On the other hand of you are in a safe place as Japan, are of handsome appearance with a good job and proper introductions into the right circles, with the company paving the way for your future life there, you should be OK. If where you and what you are lies somewhere in between, the results would be mixed and varied.
2) Your other physical appearance is another factor. A very big one. Your neatness or the way you dress and move is another one. A nervous person who is in a hurry and has no time is normal in the UK, but is seen as a nuisance in warmer, more relaxed and tropical areas. An intellectual person is well received in South America but is seen as an irritation in Thailand. Some cultures like well-dressed people, some like those who are casual, some appreciate that you speak the language, and some see it as an affront to their culture. Some like talkative people and some, discreet and silent ones. All of those factors decide how you will be perceived. And, of course, in every country, they do not like poor people but like people with money.
3) Your own positive/negative attitude and your perception of things. How good are you at taking and dealing with bullsh*t? How patient are you? A positive attitude will not save you from Al Qaeda’s RPGs, though, I can guarantee you that. It will also not save you from getting your ass kidnapped or being sentenced to death if you, say, try and teach a wrong religion in a wrong area. However, if you are a naïve person ( yes, it can be a plus) who does not have to depend on anyone financially, who does not learn the language, you may have a pretty good time because you will not understand what the people are saying, and will only hear English spoken to you, and usually the locals will not be able to curse you out in English.
If you are not a person who is well aware of his environment, you may mistake scornful smiles for hospitality, and, if you like to minimize your contact with the locals to only a few people you know, then it is also a plus. Usually, those who keep to themselves and limit their activities in society o buying things and services seem to be the happiest anywhere. Ignorance is bliss.
Negative people, who like to see bad things around them and, subconsciously, even look for them, will find other things to complain about when they are abroad. However, one should not blame all bad things that can happen to them on their negative attitudes. The people outside are also a variable in the equation.
4) How well can you “feel” the local ways of doing things, the language, know of dangers and benefits, how well do you understand the reality there, and how basically street smart are you?. That is a very, very important factor. How prepared are you to react to different things happening here? How mature? How wise are you in dealing with their ways and in surviving in that environment?
5) The amount of time you have been there. Yeah, if you are in a place for two weeks and you have money, you will probably think it is the best thing since sliced bread. But if you start doing business there and working or staying there longer and dealing with the local bureaucracy, corruption and your skin is not thick enough, you may not like it anymore. I have been to many places on vacation, but once I tried actually living there I understood why so many locals like to emigrate from the country.
5) The overall most important factor of all is luck, luck, luck. Its presence or lack of it will be the decisive factor in how things will turn out for you. In fact, I think 60% of all your experiences there, and how things will work for you in your new place depend on your supply of luck. Without luck, even if you are positive, things can go bad, you can run into some very bad elements, and suffer injury, being swindled, meet with deceit and even your premature death without doing anything particularly unusual. Are you in the country at the right time? Are you in the right place at the right time there? Luck is a crucial thing. How do you get luck? Well, we all have our ways. Some people get it through meditation, some through religion, whatever. Get some luck!
Depending on the combination of the above things, your experience in any place will be either mostly positive, or, mostly negative. What can I advise? I don’t really know. It depends. Do not always complain without doing something or asking someone for advice, learn to deal with things, or, if the negative outweighs the positive, leave for a while and come back with a fresh new attitude, and more money , skills, etc. Also, try not to be smug if you have been having a good time, but other people have run into hard times. Be supportive, do not declare them to be a**holes. Otherwise, what has not yet happened to you, may just happen if you keep bragging about what a big, lucky shot you are.
Monday, March 16, 2009
***
I stopped going to brothels after this experience: there was one that had a bar in the front to buy drinks and a karaoke machine. There was also this very cute girl who looked so sad and she was sitting among other hookers, obviously new, and I invited her for a drink and to sing. At random, I chose a song and it turned out to be “Sunrise Sunset”. The lyrics in it were about how a father is seeing his son and daughter grow up and now they are now ready to be married off. He is both sad that his children are about to leave home and start their new lives, as well as proud at the same time. He sings “Sunrise, sunset, quickly go the years”… “is this the little girl I carried, is this the little boy I loved…?”. I started singing the song, and then, a horrible truth stung me. If my father saw me in the whorehouse, or my mother, they would probably exclaim in terrible surprise and disappointment- ‘Is this the little boy I loved?” And if the parents of that girl huddling in shame in a brothel, in the strange, heartless, big city, driven by poverty to selling herself to sweaty tourists saw her, they would also exclaim in abomination: “is this the little girl I carried?” in shock.
Just thinking about the circumstances that make some people become customers and some- service providers in this controversial industry; following the chain of causes and effect as well as knowing that somewhere there are parents who wonder where we, their kids are now, made me very upset. I paid for the drinks and left without tempting myself with other services.
I have never visited a brothel after that day again.
***
A Little known favour of Hollywood to White Men.
A lot has been said about how Hollywood vilifies Arabs and makes Asian men look effeminate. However, if you are white, you should be grateful for the advertisement Hollywood has made for you around the non white world. In Asia, in particular, people grow up on US TV shows that slowly, repeatedly drive these subliminal messages into the minds of Asian people ( and particularly women) there:
White people = Americans
Americans = White people
White men= American men
American men=White men
White men= American men= rich, handsome, heroic, noble, courageous, gentlemanly.
American men=White men =good husbands, boyfriends, sexy, kind, caring, loving, treating women like princesses.
American men= White men= successful, and provide security.
American men=White men= Western men are a boon for a poor Asian girl whom they save from poverty and take to the Land of Milk and Honey- America. Or settle in her land and buy a big house and they have cute mixed kids that go to International Schools and the girl does not have to work now.
American men= White men= saviours of the underdog, always smiling, always so friendly and open. Faithful, warm, perfect human beings.
A young Asian girl (or anyone else, for that matter) who grew up on “Dallas” or “Orange County” or “Days of our Lives”, beamed by satellite into her poor home in Indonesia, Philippines, Cambodia, Burma, etc, has the above illusion so firmly carved in her mind and is so completely brainwashed and programmed to see white men as described above, will react accordingly when she sees you arrive.
Yup, here comes you, an Aussie, a Brit, a New Zealander, or even a poor Bosnian , Albanian, Lithuanian, who happens to be in that part of the world, and yes, you will receive very warm smiles coming your way. The associations in their minds will be triggered, which, in turn, will trigger wonderment, abundant joy of seeing a super human, a huge smile, a hug and, very soon, a possible declaration of love. A Slovak, a South African Boer, and a wretched Moldovan is an “American man” to tens of millions of people there, and he possesses the Godlike characteristics enumerated in my descriptions above.
All white people, upon arriving in those lands, automatically become “Americans!”
In the Philippines, in particular, the love and admiration for Americans ( read white people) runs deep not only because US movies and TV shows are very popular there, but also, because Americans liberated the Philippines from the Japanese aggression in World War II. Many a valiant Marine and other GI Joe lay his life for the freedom of that country. Because of that, when an American appears in that country, especially if he goes to rural areas, he is cheered with “ Hi ,Joe!” (GI Joe) and afforded great honour and welcome. However, the joyful greeting reserved for Americans is also bestowed upon Germans, Lebanese Arabs and Poles and whoever else looks like Americans. When the locals see, say, a Polish guy travelling there, crowds come out from their village homes chanting” Amerikano! Amerikano!” while waving and smiling. Meeting a hero, a liberator, a rich and gallant man, a “Tom Cruise” is a very rare occasion. Girls give you those “come hither” looks, blow you kisses, and people invite you to parties because your mere presence is a great honour to them. The older generation will see you as John Wayne and remember the times when you defended them against the evil aggressor.
But you are a German from Stuttgart whose grandfather had died on a beach at Normandy, killed by an American bullet. No matter. Ja Ja, mein herr, you are an American now! Deal with it. Resistance is futile.
As I was travelling in those parts, I found out that there were Poles, Albanians, Bulgarians, Romanians, all hailed as heroes because of American TV shows , the American war heroes and the wildly exaggerated stereotypes of the US super-human-ness. And, of course, the gorgeous females who fell in love with these handsome “Americans” were probably the most important reason for their travel to those places to begin with.
There is a Philippine saying- “Basta puti- Kano”-“if you are white, you are an American”. Hello, Hans, Ivan and Ahmed, welcome to your honorary US citizenship, courtesy of the tens, no, hundreds of smiling locals who are dying to befriend you. No use trying to explain to them you are not an American- all white people are Americans, all countries where white people live are part of America. End of the story, case closed. Enjoy your new nationality and all the benefits that come with it.
But of course, the Philippines is not the only place where American = White men are preferred. In Korea, in Taiwan, they like to hire white men to teach English even if they are not Americans. Who cares, they look like Americans. Good enough! In Some Middle Eastern countries, White South Africans are becoming a very popular substitute for expensive American medical professionals. In a hospital in a big Gulf city, the rich Arab patients are happy to see a Western man – an “American” doctor or radiologist who will treat them, but he is just an Afrikaner from Joeburg.
Who cares? If he looks like one, if he quacks like one- speaks English, that is, he must be one. Simple. No use to argue. He is a white man = he is an American man.
So, if you want to know the joy and benefit of being an American, if you want to be seen as something above human, an almost a demigod, there are plenty of locations around the world, so brainwashed by Hollywood that they will bestow a Donald Trump- like status to you, even if you are a poor Serbian who could never get a visa to even enter the EU never mind US citizenship.
In the tragic opposite twist of this mass madness, Black Americans who have been in the US since 1600s , Hispanic guys from the South West, Apaches, Inuits, and Asian guys from San Francisco, will discover to their horror that they are now not Americans at all, while some Hungarian tourist is.
Oh, isn’t life a mother….er!
Sometimes, stereotypes can be used in your favour and people’s deluded views can be a foundation of your great status and abundant social life because of a bizarre and an insane, Hollywood –induced, mega-mass case of mistaken identity.
I stopped going to brothels after this experience: there was one that had a bar in the front to buy drinks and a karaoke machine. There was also this very cute girl who looked so sad and she was sitting among other hookers, obviously new, and I invited her for a drink and to sing. At random, I chose a song and it turned out to be “Sunrise Sunset”. The lyrics in it were about how a father is seeing his son and daughter grow up and now they are now ready to be married off. He is both sad that his children are about to leave home and start their new lives, as well as proud at the same time. He sings “Sunrise, sunset, quickly go the years”… “is this the little girl I carried, is this the little boy I loved…?”. I started singing the song, and then, a horrible truth stung me. If my father saw me in the whorehouse, or my mother, they would probably exclaim in terrible surprise and disappointment- ‘Is this the little boy I loved?” And if the parents of that girl huddling in shame in a brothel, in the strange, heartless, big city, driven by poverty to selling herself to sweaty tourists saw her, they would also exclaim in abomination: “is this the little girl I carried?” in shock.
Just thinking about the circumstances that make some people become customers and some- service providers in this controversial industry; following the chain of causes and effect as well as knowing that somewhere there are parents who wonder where we, their kids are now, made me very upset. I paid for the drinks and left without tempting myself with other services.
I have never visited a brothel after that day again.
***
A Little known favour of Hollywood to White Men.
A lot has been said about how Hollywood vilifies Arabs and makes Asian men look effeminate. However, if you are white, you should be grateful for the advertisement Hollywood has made for you around the non white world. In Asia, in particular, people grow up on US TV shows that slowly, repeatedly drive these subliminal messages into the minds of Asian people ( and particularly women) there:
White people = Americans
Americans = White people
White men= American men
American men=White men
White men= American men= rich, handsome, heroic, noble, courageous, gentlemanly.
American men=White men =good husbands, boyfriends, sexy, kind, caring, loving, treating women like princesses.
American men= White men= successful, and provide security.
American men=White men= Western men are a boon for a poor Asian girl whom they save from poverty and take to the Land of Milk and Honey- America. Or settle in her land and buy a big house and they have cute mixed kids that go to International Schools and the girl does not have to work now.
American men= White men= saviours of the underdog, always smiling, always so friendly and open. Faithful, warm, perfect human beings.
A young Asian girl (or anyone else, for that matter) who grew up on “Dallas” or “Orange County” or “Days of our Lives”, beamed by satellite into her poor home in Indonesia, Philippines, Cambodia, Burma, etc, has the above illusion so firmly carved in her mind and is so completely brainwashed and programmed to see white men as described above, will react accordingly when she sees you arrive.
Yup, here comes you, an Aussie, a Brit, a New Zealander, or even a poor Bosnian , Albanian, Lithuanian, who happens to be in that part of the world, and yes, you will receive very warm smiles coming your way. The associations in their minds will be triggered, which, in turn, will trigger wonderment, abundant joy of seeing a super human, a huge smile, a hug and, very soon, a possible declaration of love. A Slovak, a South African Boer, and a wretched Moldovan is an “American man” to tens of millions of people there, and he possesses the Godlike characteristics enumerated in my descriptions above.
All white people, upon arriving in those lands, automatically become “Americans!”
In the Philippines, in particular, the love and admiration for Americans ( read white people) runs deep not only because US movies and TV shows are very popular there, but also, because Americans liberated the Philippines from the Japanese aggression in World War II. Many a valiant Marine and other GI Joe lay his life for the freedom of that country. Because of that, when an American appears in that country, especially if he goes to rural areas, he is cheered with “ Hi ,Joe!” (GI Joe) and afforded great honour and welcome. However, the joyful greeting reserved for Americans is also bestowed upon Germans, Lebanese Arabs and Poles and whoever else looks like Americans. When the locals see, say, a Polish guy travelling there, crowds come out from their village homes chanting” Amerikano! Amerikano!” while waving and smiling. Meeting a hero, a liberator, a rich and gallant man, a “Tom Cruise” is a very rare occasion. Girls give you those “come hither” looks, blow you kisses, and people invite you to parties because your mere presence is a great honour to them. The older generation will see you as John Wayne and remember the times when you defended them against the evil aggressor.
But you are a German from Stuttgart whose grandfather had died on a beach at Normandy, killed by an American bullet. No matter. Ja Ja, mein herr, you are an American now! Deal with it. Resistance is futile.
As I was travelling in those parts, I found out that there were Poles, Albanians, Bulgarians, Romanians, all hailed as heroes because of American TV shows , the American war heroes and the wildly exaggerated stereotypes of the US super-human-ness. And, of course, the gorgeous females who fell in love with these handsome “Americans” were probably the most important reason for their travel to those places to begin with.
There is a Philippine saying- “Basta puti- Kano”-“if you are white, you are an American”. Hello, Hans, Ivan and Ahmed, welcome to your honorary US citizenship, courtesy of the tens, no, hundreds of smiling locals who are dying to befriend you. No use trying to explain to them you are not an American- all white people are Americans, all countries where white people live are part of America. End of the story, case closed. Enjoy your new nationality and all the benefits that come with it.
But of course, the Philippines is not the only place where American = White men are preferred. In Korea, in Taiwan, they like to hire white men to teach English even if they are not Americans. Who cares, they look like Americans. Good enough! In Some Middle Eastern countries, White South Africans are becoming a very popular substitute for expensive American medical professionals. In a hospital in a big Gulf city, the rich Arab patients are happy to see a Western man – an “American” doctor or radiologist who will treat them, but he is just an Afrikaner from Joeburg.
Who cares? If he looks like one, if he quacks like one- speaks English, that is, he must be one. Simple. No use to argue. He is a white man = he is an American man.
So, if you want to know the joy and benefit of being an American, if you want to be seen as something above human, an almost a demigod, there are plenty of locations around the world, so brainwashed by Hollywood that they will bestow a Donald Trump- like status to you, even if you are a poor Serbian who could never get a visa to even enter the EU never mind US citizenship.
In the tragic opposite twist of this mass madness, Black Americans who have been in the US since 1600s , Hispanic guys from the South West, Apaches, Inuits, and Asian guys from San Francisco, will discover to their horror that they are now not Americans at all, while some Hungarian tourist is.
Oh, isn’t life a mother….er!
Sometimes, stereotypes can be used in your favour and people’s deluded views can be a foundation of your great status and abundant social life because of a bizarre and an insane, Hollywood –induced, mega-mass case of mistaken identity.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
How Can They Tell?
***
If you are in South East Asia as a tourist, and happen to pick up a bar girl and take her out on a date, you will quite often get smirks and, sometimes, looks of disgust from the locals. If the girl is not a bar girl, the scornful looks and haughty stares will be only 10% of what it would be if you were with a lady of the night. Even if the bar girl does not engage in prostitution, the locals will immediately identify her as one by many things unseen to you. They seem to have a knack for telling who is a bar girl and who is not. The look in the eyes, the body movements; the dress, the make up, even the change in the complexion are very obvious.
Plus, there is a certain something, an aura of sorts that they can pick up on right away, and it is a thing that I still cannot explain. What they can see is what a normal Westerner cannot. Not only that- many a South East Asian man can tell if a girl is a virgin or not through some sixth sense, and they say that one can see virginity or lack thereof if one looks into the pupils of the eyes. Plus, the way a woman behaves towards a man, any man is a dead give away even if she tries to act in a demure way. There is a body language that we may not be aware of, and even a certain smell. Some girls, who have been intimate with a man, may still “exude” male pheromones and reek of male sweat no matter how many showers they have taken. The smell is very find but with a sharp nose local guys can smell it.
After having lived in that part of the world and having met quite a few females, you, too, will be able to develop the sense for that sort of thing. In my case, by now I can be some 95% accurate in telling if a girl is a bar girl or not and some 80% accurate in telling if she is a virgin. It is a combination of many minute telltale signs that I still cannot put a finger on.
Once I persuaded a very decent girl who was working in a bar to quit and return to school. She needed only a small amount of money- some $50, to be able to attend school. I set a date to meet her in a department store, and immediately noticed the spiteful and disgusted looks of the people around us. There was something they could feel, sense, see or smell about her that told them she had come from a bar. Later, when we met after some time, a couple of months, to be exact, and she had been out of the bar, the bad aura had now seemed to be gone; she was walking “normal” and talking “normal” and dressed OK, and no one was even giving us a second look. I guess, just as the girls accumulate that bad “halo” over their heads, so they can lose it and have a good aura hang over them again when they get back into society and stay among regular people again for some time.
The longer they had been in the bar, the longer it takes to get rid of the negative ‘image-over’, and get back to their old pre-bar selves. A truly interesting socio-psychological phenomenon that is worth being studied further.
If you are in South East Asia as a tourist, and happen to pick up a bar girl and take her out on a date, you will quite often get smirks and, sometimes, looks of disgust from the locals. If the girl is not a bar girl, the scornful looks and haughty stares will be only 10% of what it would be if you were with a lady of the night. Even if the bar girl does not engage in prostitution, the locals will immediately identify her as one by many things unseen to you. They seem to have a knack for telling who is a bar girl and who is not. The look in the eyes, the body movements; the dress, the make up, even the change in the complexion are very obvious.
Plus, there is a certain something, an aura of sorts that they can pick up on right away, and it is a thing that I still cannot explain. What they can see is what a normal Westerner cannot. Not only that- many a South East Asian man can tell if a girl is a virgin or not through some sixth sense, and they say that one can see virginity or lack thereof if one looks into the pupils of the eyes. Plus, the way a woman behaves towards a man, any man is a dead give away even if she tries to act in a demure way. There is a body language that we may not be aware of, and even a certain smell. Some girls, who have been intimate with a man, may still “exude” male pheromones and reek of male sweat no matter how many showers they have taken. The smell is very find but with a sharp nose local guys can smell it.
After having lived in that part of the world and having met quite a few females, you, too, will be able to develop the sense for that sort of thing. In my case, by now I can be some 95% accurate in telling if a girl is a bar girl or not and some 80% accurate in telling if she is a virgin. It is a combination of many minute telltale signs that I still cannot put a finger on.
Once I persuaded a very decent girl who was working in a bar to quit and return to school. She needed only a small amount of money- some $50, to be able to attend school. I set a date to meet her in a department store, and immediately noticed the spiteful and disgusted looks of the people around us. There was something they could feel, sense, see or smell about her that told them she had come from a bar. Later, when we met after some time, a couple of months, to be exact, and she had been out of the bar, the bad aura had now seemed to be gone; she was walking “normal” and talking “normal” and dressed OK, and no one was even giving us a second look. I guess, just as the girls accumulate that bad “halo” over their heads, so they can lose it and have a good aura hang over them again when they get back into society and stay among regular people again for some time.
The longer they had been in the bar, the longer it takes to get rid of the negative ‘image-over’, and get back to their old pre-bar selves. A truly interesting socio-psychological phenomenon that is worth being studied further.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Prayer Duration
***
If you live in Saudi Arabia, prayer time is a very important aspect of daily life there. Stores and just about any kinds of businesses close for prayers. Some PDAs now, and some cell phones that you can buy there have prayer time shown on their dials and screens. Otherwise, you can get prayer times from local newspapers. Your daily activities have to be scheduled around, and, in between those prayers. The best time to go shopping is after the second morning prayer, which gives you roughly four hours and after the last prayer which also gives you some 2-4 hours to shop. If it is not possible to do your business in those hours, then, when the prayer takes place, you should just sit down and relax, or you can go to a nearby hotel and wait until it finishes.
A natural question would be- “How long does each prayer last? “ If you ask the locals about that, they will tell you “10 minutes to 20 minutes”. However, keep in mind that while the prayer itself is that long, the actual time the businesses close for is usually 35-50+ minutes. People need to close the stores, walk to the place of worship, do their ablutions (washing their faces, hands, and feet), do the prayer itself, then do a few other formalities and then, go back to the store. So, yup! 35-50 minutes is the norm. Be patient and wait those prayers out in some quiet place if you do not share the religion of the people there.
Hotels are exempt from closing, usually, but even inside of hotels some religious people will sometimes shut the doors of gift shops and leave for the duration of the religious service.
If you live in Saudi Arabia, prayer time is a very important aspect of daily life there. Stores and just about any kinds of businesses close for prayers. Some PDAs now, and some cell phones that you can buy there have prayer time shown on their dials and screens. Otherwise, you can get prayer times from local newspapers. Your daily activities have to be scheduled around, and, in between those prayers. The best time to go shopping is after the second morning prayer, which gives you roughly four hours and after the last prayer which also gives you some 2-4 hours to shop. If it is not possible to do your business in those hours, then, when the prayer takes place, you should just sit down and relax, or you can go to a nearby hotel and wait until it finishes.
A natural question would be- “How long does each prayer last? “ If you ask the locals about that, they will tell you “10 minutes to 20 minutes”. However, keep in mind that while the prayer itself is that long, the actual time the businesses close for is usually 35-50+ minutes. People need to close the stores, walk to the place of worship, do their ablutions (washing their faces, hands, and feet), do the prayer itself, then do a few other formalities and then, go back to the store. So, yup! 35-50 minutes is the norm. Be patient and wait those prayers out in some quiet place if you do not share the religion of the people there.
Hotels are exempt from closing, usually, but even inside of hotels some religious people will sometimes shut the doors of gift shops and leave for the duration of the religious service.
Misc March 09 II
If you are a young man in his twenties or even thirties and are contemplating expatriating, you may learn of an interesting fact of life or a possibility thereof- your future wife may not even have been born yet. Yes, it can happen so that you may not get married until you are in your late forties or even early fifties because older men are sought after in many a country as husbands. So, if you are twenty four now, you may be forty-six by the time you are ready to marry your twenty-two year old fiancée. Or, if you are thirty now, you may be ready to marry your twenty- year old girlfriend by the time you are fifty. Time flies, you know.
***
Bringing in your girlfriend/wife to the West can take a couple of years and involve interviews, mountains of paperwork, medical test, police clearances and other such things that can put a damper on any relationship. Fortress Europe and fortress America make it so difficult for you to marry people from poorer countries that it can simply drive you wild. Some people prefer to just start families in the countries of the wife, not the husband.
How much harder it may be for those who have different sexual orientations! Thailand, for example, is quite a place for Western lovers of alternative lifestyles to find willing partners. However, while bringing a Thai lady to the West is a big headache, bringing a Thai man to the West by another man is a virtual impossibility. I have heard a story about an American man who tried to bring his gay partner to the US, but all visa avenues were closed to him. Obviously, a fiancée visa was out of the question and similarly, a marriage petition could not be arranged, either. So, the American man went off the deep end,: he bought the guy a ticket to Mexico, arranged for him to be transported to Tijuana and then, sent the poor Thai boy across the border with a bunch of illegal workers in a coyote’s van. Miraculously, the lover arrived in Los Angeles where they were tearfully reunited. Unfortunately, the Thai man did not like the diversity of Southern California and the fact that huge numbers of people did not speak English there. After some time, he decided to head back to Thailand and the union was dissolved.
In most cases though, same sex partners choose to live in places that are easier to get to, such as the third world place where the other lover is from. They simply have no choice. Some choose to train the men in some profession for which a work visa could be obtained, but the while thing is an enormous can of worms. Those with alternative persuasions are better off looking for their better half in countries for which there are not that many visa restrictions- Japan, Singapore, W.Europe.
***
If you belong to an unpopular nationality, you may have to lie about it. Nothing wrong with that. If people are bigoted against your kind, they deserve to hear untruths. An Iranian guy in the US chose to simply never tell anyone he was Iranian and it worked. He just told people he was Greek. He was in Texas and the “scheme” worked. People believed him.
An American in some place where Americans are not popular can become a Canadian. A German may choose to be a Dutchman, a Russian can become a Slovenian. One Danish guy that I knew went to work in Saudi Arabia but Muslims do not like Danes because of those silly cartoons that infuriated the entire Islamic world in 2005-06. So, he just tells them he is an American. It is actually better to be an American than a Dane in Saudi Arabia now. And unless you are facing a policeman or an actual immigration officer stops you, you should lie if your life, social or biological depends on it. Choose a country that has people with a similar look and accent, but that is neutral and you will be able to get away with it in the 99% of cases. That is again if it does not involve employment, immigration or actual police encounter. That is just survival, nothing else. It is not bad to tell lies if you are faced with evil, prejudiced people.
***
If you meet a young lady online, do not fall in love with her completely and commit yourself to her until you have met her in person. She may have some unpleasant characteristics/habits that you may not like, but it may be too late to extricate yourself without causing major grief and inconvenience. I have met some ladies who, upon meeting me in person, had very bad breath and some had a very ugly torso which I could not see on webcam- in other words, their figures were not what I wanted to have in a partner. One had excessive facial hair- almost like a beard, which I did not see in photos because the hair was too transparent. Yech! Some had bad habits which I would not care to describe – oh well, maybe I would describe just two- one lady liked to urinate in the shower bay- a big turn off for me. This other lady could not control her intestinal gas and would release it regularly while in my company. It made me want to puke.
So, do not pour out your emotions too much just because your hormones are acting up. Go and see her in person. Otherwise, you will end up wasting a lot of time (yours and hers) and a whole lot of money, plus you can hurt yourself and that person if you will find that she is not for you, but you have already made all these promises and even proposed to her. It can become a truly awkward and uncomfortable situation if you are not careful and hurry too much. So take your time and control your emotions. See her in person and spend some time together. For your sake and hers.
***
In poorer countries, as a rule, finding a decent love partner is harder for women than for men, in richer countries, finding love is harder for men than for women. There are more lonely miserable ladies or ladies with bad husbands in third world countries and more happily married men there, and there are more unhappy, lonely men or divorced and henpecked men in first world countries. Travel and you will see.
***
Success books are cool, I like reading them. They talk about making goals, visualizing and going for it. But there are some wacky ideas in them, too. For example, the idea that poverty is created in the mind and if we think we are prosperous we would become prosperous. Now, I have a question- with the present economic crisis gripping the world, do the people have to take responsibility for it as in “ we were too negative and thought poor thoughts” and now the world economy is collapsing”. I say bull! Quite he contrary, people were just way too positive. Also, let’s look at two countries located side by side- Iraq and Kuwait. Kuwait has a lot of oil and the people are totally spoiled by all the riches there. Right across the border is Iraq, and you know the shape that Iraq is in. Are you going to tell me that it is because Kuwaitis in some ways are more positive than Iraqis and they just attract better fortune? That the British who partitioned that part of the world to make sure Kuwait gets a big chunk of it have nothing to do with it? Give me a break!
Go to South of Sudan and watch kids with bloated bellies feeding of leaves from trees. These kids d not even know what positive and negative is, so are you going to tell me that the poverty is in their minds?
Plus a lot of these books were written by citizen of rich democratic countries that have many opportunities available for all and equal rights for everybody. What if you live in some screwed up dictatorship where you belong to some social group that has no legal rights, cannot qualify for government help, bank loans, are forbidden by law ask for benefits and are stuck in a limbo somewhere? Think Kosovo in 1999.
What if the country has no money to fund education and is run by a cruel junta that will shoot you if you protest? What if you happen to be in some besieged area with bullets flying all over you? What opportunities are there? You cannot even get a visa to go to another country and even if you do, that other country may just stick you into a refugee camp? They unfortunately cannot follow the advice in those books. And if they do, they can get shot.
So, those books are good for mainstream citizens of highly developed first world countries. Since the majority of the world does not belong to those, maybe it is time someone would start writing books about how an average, garden variety third-worlder can succeed or at least avoid acute suffering where he is at. That would be a best seller, for sure.
***
One of the strains on today’s fabric of society, I think is the fact that in many countries people are encouraged to wait to finish a four year college before they get married. Biologically speaking, late teens and early twenties is a very fruitful time to mate and have kids. However, somehow the modern college system in many countries does not promote college -time marriage and, thus, represses the young people’s normal pro-creational urges. This creates unhealthy tensions, explosions of testosterone in men with resulting violence and bad energy, and all kinds of wild behavior, drug use, promiscuity on behalf of some women, and a host of other social ills. Somehow, if you suggest that people should be married at 18 and study and help each other and even have kids while in college, that is seen as wacky idea by many. Or, it is seen as economically infeasible. I think, though, that if governments around the world applauded such an early marriage and given people an incentive to get married and stay married, we would have a much healthier society overall.
***
Bringing in your girlfriend/wife to the West can take a couple of years and involve interviews, mountains of paperwork, medical test, police clearances and other such things that can put a damper on any relationship. Fortress Europe and fortress America make it so difficult for you to marry people from poorer countries that it can simply drive you wild. Some people prefer to just start families in the countries of the wife, not the husband.
How much harder it may be for those who have different sexual orientations! Thailand, for example, is quite a place for Western lovers of alternative lifestyles to find willing partners. However, while bringing a Thai lady to the West is a big headache, bringing a Thai man to the West by another man is a virtual impossibility. I have heard a story about an American man who tried to bring his gay partner to the US, but all visa avenues were closed to him. Obviously, a fiancée visa was out of the question and similarly, a marriage petition could not be arranged, either. So, the American man went off the deep end,: he bought the guy a ticket to Mexico, arranged for him to be transported to Tijuana and then, sent the poor Thai boy across the border with a bunch of illegal workers in a coyote’s van. Miraculously, the lover arrived in Los Angeles where they were tearfully reunited. Unfortunately, the Thai man did not like the diversity of Southern California and the fact that huge numbers of people did not speak English there. After some time, he decided to head back to Thailand and the union was dissolved.
In most cases though, same sex partners choose to live in places that are easier to get to, such as the third world place where the other lover is from. They simply have no choice. Some choose to train the men in some profession for which a work visa could be obtained, but the while thing is an enormous can of worms. Those with alternative persuasions are better off looking for their better half in countries for which there are not that many visa restrictions- Japan, Singapore, W.Europe.
***
If you belong to an unpopular nationality, you may have to lie about it. Nothing wrong with that. If people are bigoted against your kind, they deserve to hear untruths. An Iranian guy in the US chose to simply never tell anyone he was Iranian and it worked. He just told people he was Greek. He was in Texas and the “scheme” worked. People believed him.
An American in some place where Americans are not popular can become a Canadian. A German may choose to be a Dutchman, a Russian can become a Slovenian. One Danish guy that I knew went to work in Saudi Arabia but Muslims do not like Danes because of those silly cartoons that infuriated the entire Islamic world in 2005-06. So, he just tells them he is an American. It is actually better to be an American than a Dane in Saudi Arabia now. And unless you are facing a policeman or an actual immigration officer stops you, you should lie if your life, social or biological depends on it. Choose a country that has people with a similar look and accent, but that is neutral and you will be able to get away with it in the 99% of cases. That is again if it does not involve employment, immigration or actual police encounter. That is just survival, nothing else. It is not bad to tell lies if you are faced with evil, prejudiced people.
***
If you meet a young lady online, do not fall in love with her completely and commit yourself to her until you have met her in person. She may have some unpleasant characteristics/habits that you may not like, but it may be too late to extricate yourself without causing major grief and inconvenience. I have met some ladies who, upon meeting me in person, had very bad breath and some had a very ugly torso which I could not see on webcam- in other words, their figures were not what I wanted to have in a partner. One had excessive facial hair- almost like a beard, which I did not see in photos because the hair was too transparent. Yech! Some had bad habits which I would not care to describe – oh well, maybe I would describe just two- one lady liked to urinate in the shower bay- a big turn off for me. This other lady could not control her intestinal gas and would release it regularly while in my company. It made me want to puke.
So, do not pour out your emotions too much just because your hormones are acting up. Go and see her in person. Otherwise, you will end up wasting a lot of time (yours and hers) and a whole lot of money, plus you can hurt yourself and that person if you will find that she is not for you, but you have already made all these promises and even proposed to her. It can become a truly awkward and uncomfortable situation if you are not careful and hurry too much. So take your time and control your emotions. See her in person and spend some time together. For your sake and hers.
***
In poorer countries, as a rule, finding a decent love partner is harder for women than for men, in richer countries, finding love is harder for men than for women. There are more lonely miserable ladies or ladies with bad husbands in third world countries and more happily married men there, and there are more unhappy, lonely men or divorced and henpecked men in first world countries. Travel and you will see.
***
Success books are cool, I like reading them. They talk about making goals, visualizing and going for it. But there are some wacky ideas in them, too. For example, the idea that poverty is created in the mind and if we think we are prosperous we would become prosperous. Now, I have a question- with the present economic crisis gripping the world, do the people have to take responsibility for it as in “ we were too negative and thought poor thoughts” and now the world economy is collapsing”. I say bull! Quite he contrary, people were just way too positive. Also, let’s look at two countries located side by side- Iraq and Kuwait. Kuwait has a lot of oil and the people are totally spoiled by all the riches there. Right across the border is Iraq, and you know the shape that Iraq is in. Are you going to tell me that it is because Kuwaitis in some ways are more positive than Iraqis and they just attract better fortune? That the British who partitioned that part of the world to make sure Kuwait gets a big chunk of it have nothing to do with it? Give me a break!
Go to South of Sudan and watch kids with bloated bellies feeding of leaves from trees. These kids d not even know what positive and negative is, so are you going to tell me that the poverty is in their minds?
Plus a lot of these books were written by citizen of rich democratic countries that have many opportunities available for all and equal rights for everybody. What if you live in some screwed up dictatorship where you belong to some social group that has no legal rights, cannot qualify for government help, bank loans, are forbidden by law ask for benefits and are stuck in a limbo somewhere? Think Kosovo in 1999.
What if the country has no money to fund education and is run by a cruel junta that will shoot you if you protest? What if you happen to be in some besieged area with bullets flying all over you? What opportunities are there? You cannot even get a visa to go to another country and even if you do, that other country may just stick you into a refugee camp? They unfortunately cannot follow the advice in those books. And if they do, they can get shot.
So, those books are good for mainstream citizens of highly developed first world countries. Since the majority of the world does not belong to those, maybe it is time someone would start writing books about how an average, garden variety third-worlder can succeed or at least avoid acute suffering where he is at. That would be a best seller, for sure.
***
One of the strains on today’s fabric of society, I think is the fact that in many countries people are encouraged to wait to finish a four year college before they get married. Biologically speaking, late teens and early twenties is a very fruitful time to mate and have kids. However, somehow the modern college system in many countries does not promote college -time marriage and, thus, represses the young people’s normal pro-creational urges. This creates unhealthy tensions, explosions of testosterone in men with resulting violence and bad energy, and all kinds of wild behavior, drug use, promiscuity on behalf of some women, and a host of other social ills. Somehow, if you suggest that people should be married at 18 and study and help each other and even have kids while in college, that is seen as wacky idea by many. Or, it is seen as economically infeasible. I think, though, that if governments around the world applauded such an early marriage and given people an incentive to get married and stay married, we would have a much healthier society overall.
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