Friday, January 21, 2011

Proper Toilet Hygiene

How come we have invented so many things and put people on the Moon but we still have not come up with a good way to keep our behinds clean? This is not a pleasant topic but I like to tell the truth and I am not happy with toilet paper. In Middle Eastern countries every toilet bowl has a water hose with something that looks like a small showerhead and a little lever to turn the water on. So, after you do your number 2 and get rid of the fecal matter in your body, you simply use it to basically shower the rear orifice of your body clean. This is so wise and hygienic and makes so much sense. And in many many nations around the world, even those that are non Arab, people use water to clean themselves.
My Arab acquaintances have often asked me- "How can Western people not use water? Their behinds must smell". And they are right. No matter how well you wipe yourself, you are bound to have some small dingleberries hanging and they will leave nasty streaks on your underwear plus create unpleasant smells especially when we sweat. It is downright disgusting! And you know what else is disgusting? Having to wipe your anus with toilet paper and then look at the results of the wiping. It takes three times until the paper is moderately clean, but even then there is always a brown trail on it, no matter how pale. Yech!
And think about this: what if you are in bed with someone you love and your behind exudes a deadly odor of fermented feces mixed with sweat. Hold me as I vomit! Yeah, I hear you, take a shower first, but sometimes you just want a little play before the shower. Think about it! And then when some people take a shower, they do not thoroughly wash their behind. Still there is smell. Sooner or later it will hit someone's nostrils and then no aphrodisiac will help. And love will fly out the window along with the smell.
I am so used to these sprinklers now that I try and create an approximation of toilet water-cleaning when I am in other countries that use toilet paper. Do not laugh please, but I flush the toilet twice first, clean it with a toilet brush if necessary and then use the clean water to wash my rear end with. And, yes, I dipmy hand in the toilet bowl.Then I flush it again and then wash my hands thoroughly with soap. Now I know that all my body is clean and no waste is stuck to any part of it. This technique is also helpful when you travel in remote places where there is no toilet paper, Japanese squat toilets or holes in Eastern Europe are not conducive to obtaining water. So be inventive and try and get some water before you go. Carry a small bottle or something.


Anonymous said...

My half way solution is to use wet-wipes after I have used the paper. It is not exactly like using water but it is the next best thing. A cleaner and more refreshing alternative to just using dry toilet paper.

Anonymous said...

I used to go with water before but as time goes by, I learned to used paper toilet since most of the restroom in some mall don't have water and Yes! We really can't help it, we can shit sometime on the mall/public restrooms.

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