Saturday, January 08, 2011

Russia’s Bad Breath Problem

Before I start addressing this, let me look to my left and my right and see if anyone disapproves. Hmm, I guess if I am to criticize Russia, I have green light from the Political Correctness police. There are not black, Hispanic, Asian, Muslim, or any other protected group so no one will call me a bigot! Yipee! Here we go:

Russia, what’s up with the sulfuric, horse feces breath of so many people that serve tourists there? You have airport personnel that is there to take your tickets and issue boarding passes and the air coming from them smells as if it is not coming from the mouth but from the opposite body orifice! Have you guys ever heard of mouthwash or breath mints?

Why did you have to build the nuclear bombs and all these bio weapons? It was a waste of time! Just breathe on these countries and you have conquered them! Or maybe this is how you had built your empire to begin with?

Russia has largely been spared the Madison Avenue inferiority complex inducing body smell eliminating advertising campaign and as a result, man, so many of your mouths stink so bad that it makes me want to faint. In your Slavic culture talking about bodily functions is a taboo but you’d better start talking about them because if you don’t, other countries will talk.

You want a better impression on tourists and businessmen? You want to be welcome in other countries more? Start with your breath. Get some Listerine or some other mouthwash or put some Clorets into your mouths and suck on them.

Another thing, Russia. Would you mind not employing those middle aged ladies with mustaches until they wax them off clean? A female Cossack with the facial hair good enough to be twirled and the bad breath to boot! Hey, bring your cosmetic and oral state to the 21st century standards!

Let me look both ways again! Did I says something racist? No, Russian are white so I am safe!

1 comment:

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