Dating Advice For Asian American Men

If you are an Asian American ( or another hyphenated Asian) and you have a great number of dating companions of all ethnicities, the advice below is not for you. If you are not an Asian man in America or any other "Anglo-Saxon" country ( including the UK), again, the informaton below does not apply to you.

If, however, you are an Asian man living in an English-speaking country, primarily the US, and are experiencing difficulties dating and socializing because of negative stereotypes about you, please read on:

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Dating Advice to Asian American Men

It is no secret now that Asian men in America have problems dating. There have been several programs on TV already describing the fact that as an Asian man, you have harder time finding a mate than your Caucasian, African-American or Hispanic counterparts. There have been articles in magazines and newspapers addressing the same problem and describing its causes (and effects). Few such programs or articles, however, offer solutions to such men, and many still find themselves lonely and bitter, although sometimes pitied. However, more often than not, they simply end up lonesome and dateless.

The deal seems to be this: Many Caucasian women in the US do not find Asian American men manly enough to consider them dating material. Many Asian women also prefer Caucasian men, and the ones who prefer Asian men, are apparently not enough to go around.

The US media often portrays Asian men as dorky buffoons, skinny and freaky martial arts experts, mathematics nerds, clumsy immigrants with mangled English of the ‘flied lice’ variety”, noodle shop cooks or laundry managers, and not as being as powerful and confident as White or African American males, or as romantic as Hispanic men. Plus, throughout the history of the US, Asian countries were enemies whose males were to be killed on the battlefield, and whose women were to be taken home to mom as war brides after their men lie dead in the jungle or at the bottom of the sea.

In other cases, Asian countries were often suppliers of poor workers or indigent immigrants of all kinds to provide cheap labors in developed, most often Caucasian countries. Also, in the past, Asian Americans, period, were victims of serious discrimination coming from the government, a practice which has since been abolished but whose residues still haunt Asian men even today as they are not seen as fully American by the US society. None of the above has helped to create an image of a virile and dependable Asian male, a potentially desirable mate for American women to date and marry.

With the great improvements in Civil Rights, and the general feeling of guilt coming from mainstream population groups (whoever they may be) the situation of the Asian minority has improved significantly, for sure. The pejorative word “Oriental” has been stricken down from printed materials and is avoided in daily speech. The proud term “Asian American” has been born. Asian men are in the government and politics, they run successful businesses, they are achievers in the field of science and technology, law and medicine However, as far as American women of all colors seeing an Asian American man as a preferred dating and marriage partner goes, the state of affairs still leaves a lot to be desired. In short, if you are an Asian man in America, citizen or not, native-born or not, fluent in English or not, rich or poor, you will have problems dating ladies there.

Those Asian men, who feel that they are being discriminated against on the US love market, resort to several ways of dealing with the problem:

1) Ignoring it and playing the numbers game. If one goes through enough dating ads, attends enough parties and invites enough women out, there will be a number of women who will want to date, and possibly have a serious relationship with you. The men who go down the path of copious dating and selection will disregard any flak that comes their way in the process, and come out winners in the end. That is a good strategy except that it is not very likely that one could end up with a high quality female partner in the end if one stops his search too early. If one still continues dating, ignores numerous rejections, and sieves through any unreliable partners that appear in the process, one will end up with a prize- a good and honest woman to be one’s companion in life. But boy, it is going to take a really long time, believe me!

It is a rather daunting course of action, and is not suitable for every Asian man, especially not for those who come from a background that emphasizes modesty and non-aggressiveness.

2) Developing a complex and hatred of American men of other races, particularly those of the Caucasian race, and writing articles and posts on the Internet newsgroups and bulletin boards complaining about lack of dates and the prejudice against Asian American men. Interviews with commiserating media and videos on youtube.com also become a vent for the frustrations of such men. The hope is that the US society will change and they will suddenly become accepted and welcomed as romantic companions and more. This approach, while a good therapy for one’s psychological state, is still not very effective in procuring potential dates any time in the near future. In the end, one is either angry and militaristically racist, and supported only by other frustrated Asian men, or one is felt sorry for. In both cases, one still often remains dateless.

3) Bringing a female partner from the Old Country. For some reason, this approach is seen as un-cool by a big number of Asian American men. They see it as a step back, and feel that a woman from the Old Country will become a burden on the already Americanized husband, what with her old-fashioned customs and behavior which will interfere with the further acceptance of the couple and their children into the American society. Only very traditional, mature in age, or religious Asian men seem to opt for that route; not the majority of the Asian male population of the country.

4) Finally, there has recently been a trend among US citizens of Asian extraction to date internationally. One can call this trend Romantic Multi-Nationalization. What happens is that after having discovered the US love market to be of unsatisfactory performance in the area of providing them with dating opportunities, such men have decided to cross oceans and date in other countries. They have finally had the courage to claim a very important truth: It is not their fault that the US society has such stereotypes of them. It is not their fault that Hollywood often portrays them as emasculated persons who are not worthy of being admired by the opposite sex. It is really the fault of the modern (and past) US culture and the media which reflects it. Also, since the Hollywood culture has infused its stereotypes into many other countries making things harder for Asian men all over the English-speaking world, one needs to find a culture in which such stereotypes have not yet spoiled things for Asian men.


The trend of Asian Americans traveling to other nations in search of romantic opportunities is growing as they are now discovering huge areas on Earth where they are seen for what most of them truly are: diligent, intelligent, honest and dependable Americans with excellent work and business ethics, a great deal of talent, gentleman-ness, decency and a sense of responsibility that should make any female proud.

Also, in many countries the stereotypes of Asian men are very positive to begin with. They are seen as smart, sexy, brave, adventurous and as excellent providers, too. They are not viewed as poor immigrants running noodle shops, but as progressive and confident modern Alfa-males. Yes, it is true. Go to such places and see for yourself.

International dating also allows an Asian man to finally meet numerous Caucasian women who look like Hollywood actresses, and who will be happy to be involved with the man romantically and look up to him

If you are an Asian American man, I would urge you to explore this past option. However, you will need to know where to go. The world is a big place and it would make little sense to leave the US and go to, say, England or Australia. Or China for that matter- what with its huge surplus of men. It would not be easy for you to compete with an army of several million bachelors scouting the Chinese countryside in search of brides.

The best places for Asian men are probably the following:

Thailand, Philippines, Vietnam, Cambodia and even Malaysia. Go there will allow such men to discover their true potential as respected and dignified dating and marriage partners. Asian guys coming from the US are highly sought after as husbands and lovers (even more so than Caucasian guys), and, upon arriving in those places, they will enjoy high status and be treated extremely well by the local female population.

In Europe, it seems that the countries whose ethnicities have had a high admixture of Asian “blood” (Tat-C chromosome) through past Asian migrations there, welcome Asian men in ways that the US ( or British, Australian, Canadian and any other society founded by British settlers) never has. Large areas in Eastern Europe, in particular, the Baltic countries of Estonia and Lithuania (currently EU members), have shown to be very accepting and friendly to American Asian males, and is a place where a growing number of such travelers have been able to find incredible opportunities for social life and romance. Many Asian men’s previously almost unattainable dream of finding a “gorgeous blond and blue-eyed girlfriend”, has came true with ease as soon as they started dating in those countries.

Belarus is another country where Asian men, even those who are not American, have been able to feel accepted, and where they have enjoyed good treatment and many new possibilities for abundant “romancing”.

Parts of Russia and other CIS countries (outside of Moscow and St. Petersburg) have also been described as very good for such Asian men although the growing Fascist element in the country is making it more and more dangerous for foreigners by the year. Still, if one knows his way around these places, one will do very well there and be able to avoid trouble in the process.

Parts of Brazil, according to some sources, have proven to be excellent, and some Asian men have been able to mingle freely with the local population and date beautiful women there.

France is another country in which Asian men (those who can speak French- a necessity there) have reported that they have been treated quite well by the local females. They were finally able to date as normal human beings should, and, quite possibly, get married as normal human beings should. Upon arrival in the US, however, they would more often than not again face ostracism from the majority of the US women.

Yes, this ostracism seems to be a sad reality for many an Asian man in the “Anglo Saxon” world, and it is high time for decisive steps be taken to solve that insidious problem. Waiting around until the attitudes and stereotypes of the American society change for the better (which may take decades) does not seem to be an effective technique of solving it. Hence, such love travel appears to be a surgically efficient way of dealing with it.

So, maybe it is time to do some research, save up some money and buy that ticket. You will be able to solve the dateless-ness and gloom that many Asian guys face in America by living in more than one country. Unless you look like the Hunchback of Notredame or are the Elephant Man, the success is virtually guaranteed because quite a few Asian men are already doing the same and are reporting excellent results.

It may not be an easy path to take, but the rewards will be tremendous. You may have to learn new languages, new rules and customs, and whole new ways of life. However, your own life will be rewarding beyond your wildest dreams. The only very important condition that you need to fulfill is to be able to support yourself while on the go, which is becoming more and more possible with the help of the Internet and the general globalization of the business environment. Becoming a computer programmer online, running a money-making website, living off rents, and doing similar things whereby you are able to create a cash flow from anywhere in the world, will liberate you from having to be located in the US all the time and depending on the unfriendly ( to you) US ( or the UK, Australian, etc.) love market.

Life in many countries of the world is now very similar to life in the US. The rest of the world is now becoming developed and very similar to America in terms of the variety of products, services and business opportunities. You may even, one day, wish to open a business in one of those countries. One only need to dare to leave one’s 9-5 job in the US as one’s romantic future does not seem to bode well for one who dates there. Also, it would be better if one started out as young as possible lest one end up a frustrated middle-aged man who has missed his chance.

So, if you are an Asian American man (or a citizen of any other immigrant nation such as Australia, Canada, NZ, or even the UK), and you feel that life and love are passing you by, do not become despondent. Internationalize yourself! You will soon be living a life that you truly deserve to live.